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Warning
Signs of Abuse
This list identifies a series of
behaviors typically demonstrated by batterers and abusive people.
All of these forms of abuse, psychological, economic, and physical,
come from the batterer's desire for power and control. The list
can help you recognize if you or someone you know is in a violent
relationship. Check off those behaviors that apply to the relationship.
The more checks on the page, the more dangerous the situation
may be.
Emotional and Economic Attacks
- Destructive Criticism/Verbal
Abuse: Name-calling, mocking, accusing, blaming, yelling,
swearing, and making humiliating remarks or gestures.
- Pressure Tactics:
Rushing you to make decisions through "guilt-tripping" which
can take the form of: sulking, threatening to withhold money,
manipulating the children and telling you what to do.
- Disrespect: Interrupting,
changing topics, not listening or responding, twisting your
words, putting you down in front of other people or saying
bad things about your friends and family.
- Abusing Authority:
Always claiming to be right (insisting statements are "the truth"),
telling you what to do, making big decisions, or using "logic"
to manipulate situations.
- Abusing Trust:
Lying or withholding information, cheating, being overly jealous.
- Breaking Promises:
Not following through on agreements, not taking a fair share
of responsibility, refusing to help with childcare or housework.
- Emotional Withholding:
Not expressing feelings, not giving support, attention, or compliments,
and not respecting feelings, rights or opinions.
- Minimizing, Denying &
Blaming: Making Light of behavior and not taking your
concerns seriously, saying the abuse didn't happen, and shifting
responsibility for abusive behavior or accusing you of causing
it.
- Economic Control:
Interfering with your work or not letting you work, refusing
to give you money, taking your money, taking your car keys or
otherwise preventing you from using the car, threatening to
report you to welfare or other social service agencies.
- Self-destructive Behavior:
Abusing drugs or alcohol, threatening suicide or other forms
of self- harm, or deliberately saying or doing things that will
have negative consequences (e.g., telling off the boss).
- Isolation: Preventing
or making it difficult for you to see friends or relatives,
monitoring phone calls, and telling you where, you can and cannot
go.
- Harassment: Making
uninvited visits or calls, following you, checking up on you,
embarrassing you in public, and refusing to leave when asked.
Acts of
Violence
- Intimidation: Making
angry or threatening gestures, using physical size to intimidate,
standing in a door-way during arguments, out-shouting you, and
driving recklessly.
- Destruction: Destroying
your possessions (e.g., furniture), punching walls, and throwing
and/or breaking things.
- Threats: Making
and/or carrying out threats to hurt you or others.
- Sexual Violence:
Degrading treatment based on your sex or sexual orientation,
or using force or coercion to obtain sex or perform sexual acts.
- Physical Violence:
Being violent to you, your children, household pets or others,
slapping, punching, grabbing, kicking, choking, pushing, biting,
burning, stabbing, or shooting, etc.
- Using Weapons:
Use of weapons, keeping weapons around which frighten you, threatening
or attempting to kill you or those you love.
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